Courageously Mom-Encouragement for Parents of Children with Special Needs, Autism Moms, ADHD

I’ve been asked and messaged a lot recently from people wanting me to talk about Patience. So I am, but not because I’m an expert on this or have the patience of a Saint because that is not the case AT ALL.  If you asked me to describe myself, Patient would not be a personality trait I would use to describe me. I’ve definitely learned to become more patient as I have gotten older but some days I realize I still need even more.  I share some things I have learned to do in order to not have myself committed or put my head through a wall. 

This year is one we will all remember because it has brought about so many challenges as a country, for our world and has impacted so many of us personally.  We've all learned something during this year.  There are so many lessons weaved within this Cuckoo-for-Cocoa-Puffs-Kinda year. We're in the 4th quarter of 2020 and as much as I want it behind me, I don't want to miss OR ever forget the important lessons that have come out of this year. 

Worry and Guilt.  I think it's safe to say that every parent feels these emotions often when it comes to raising their children.  However, the worry and guilt I'm talking about in today's episode has to do with our neurotypical children. We feel guilt over the extra care and attention that their siblings may need. We wonder if they get just how very much we love them.  We worry that they will feel as if they missed out on special sibling relationships. We feel guilty for having to leave places early. We worry about how they feel when someone calls their sibling "weird".  If you're a parent of a child with special needs, you know exactly what I'm talking about in episode 10.

This Friday will be my husband and I’s 16th wedding anniversary so I felt that it was only fitting to talk about Marriage this week and our 16 glorious and magical years married filled with nothing but love, laughs and adventure. If you just rolled your eyes or that last sentence made you regurgitate your last meal, I'm sorry that you did not pick up on my extreme sarcasm.
Oh there’s been adventure, maybe not exactly the type that involves travel to interesting and gorgeous places but the adventures have definitely been interesting, nonetheless.  And laughs, we’ve had lots of those but there’s also been our fair share of tears, as well. And love, yep, lots of that because I do love my husband to pieces but I will admit that Marriage can be hard and if you have a child with special needs, well then it’s even harder.  I’m getting real in episode # 9!

Have you ever felt embarrassed by your truth? Concerned about how people see you?  Do you try to hide things about you and your life in fear of judgement that if someone knew the real you, they'd be horrified? Do you hide behind some facade in order to please people or make people like you? Have you done that for so long that you actually don’t even know who you really are? Girl, we need to talk because I have done all of the above and was absolutely exhausted from trying to be everyone else but me.  I was miserable.  It wasn’t easy to start to showing up as my authentic self in this world and I still have to check myself now and again to make sure I don’t get off course.BUT there is so much power in being who you really are. I’m talking about this in episode 8!

I don’t think there is a parent of a child with special needs on the planet that hasn’t had tough days and felt hopeless and like they’re not seeing progress even after all of the therapy. I know what it’s like to fear the future and wonder if they’ll ever be able to live on their own or walk to the end of the street alone.  Have a real friend. Get their license. Sometimes I can get so caught up in the unknown of the future or the rough patch we may be presently in and completely overlook all of the progress we have made to date.  When you’re in the trenches everyday and so busy being Mom, it’s so easy to lose sight of how far you really have come. But focusing on that and celebrating what may seem small to others is exactly what we need to do because the little things are usually a REALLY BIG deal
 

When my son was diagnosed with Autism, I will tell you that I was in denial.  I couldn’t say the word, Autism.  I couldn’t write the word, read the word, hear the word.  None of it.  I remember at our first BIG IEP meeting after I had just been told that my son was Autistic, that I had to sign the IEP. One particular document had his printed diagnosis on it. I remember not being able to put that pen on that paper to sign and my hand shaking uncontrollably. But what did hit that paper were my tears because they were streaming down my face. It’s crazy how I remember that day and the emotions like it was yesterday.  I hope that this episode helps you to accept and move forward to helping you to be the Courageous Mom that I know you are to advocate for your child and get them what they need to live their best life. Let’s do this!

There a million reasons you could be sad and negative if you wanted.  Especially in 2020 and with all that surrounds us.  You watch the news and you wonder if there is any good left in the world because all that you hear about is evil and scary.  And that’s just in the world, that’s not even what is going on in YOUR world because you’re a Mom in 2020 and you are being tested like never before.  It’s easy to lose sight of all of the blessings that surround us daily when we’re caught up and only focused on the bad around us. But if we want to not only survive this year and beyond, but actually THRIVE then it’s so important that we develop an attitude of gratitude. So let’s get to it in episode 5!

So medical doctors may not define it as an illness but it’s definitely a problem and something I’ve suffered from for so many years and that’s Comparisonitis. The definition of Comparisonitis is the compulsion to compare one’s accomplishment to another’s to determine relative importance, etc. Are you constantly comparing yourself to other women, moms?  We’re talking about how to treat this today in episode 4!

Believe me I get it....
 
You are scared of what the future holds. That's exactly what I felt when the doctor sat in front of me and said the word, “Autism” and not willing to give me any solid answers on prognosis and what my child will be able to do in life. All I needed in that moment an ounce of hope.
 
Maybe your child’s specialist could not do that for you when you received a diagnosis for your child, but I’m here to tell you it really is all going to be ok. I am also going to be brutally honest with you and am going to tell you ALL of the things I wish someone had told me when I first heard that my son was diagnosed with Autism.
 
I will warn you that I am going to tell you some tough stuff and will be painfully honest on what you may experience after receiving that diagnosis. I don't tell you this to kick you while you're already down but because I don't want you to feel an ounce of guilt over any of the feelings you may experience. But along with the tough stuff, I am going to tell you how my son's diagnosis has changed me and my view on life and how I choose to live it as the best possible version of me. I will break down the hard things first because unfortunately, that’s what you’re really going to experience at the beginning. The good stuff is always there but the reality is that you may be too overwhelmed to be able to see that yet. Again, this is soooo “Normal” and I seriously hate that word.
 
Please know there is no right or wrong way on how to do this. I hope you can take some comfort in that. You are stronger than you feel in this moment and I'm here to keep reminding you of that.